


Outcast

by TheReaderWrites



Series: Emerald Fire [2]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Teen Titans - All Media Types, Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Broken Engagement, F/M, Hurt Jason Todd, Hurt Koriand'r, Hurt Roy Harper, Jason Todd Has Issues, M/M, Mentioned Jason Todd/Essence, Minor Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Minor Clone Roy Harper | Will Harper/Jade Nguyen, Multi, Poetry, Time Skips, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 12:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29933316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReaderWrites/pseuds/TheReaderWrites
Summary: Sometimes the things that break us are the things we love the most.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Koriand'r, Koriand'r/Jason Todd, Roy Harper/Jason Todd, Roy Harper/Koriand'r, Roy Harper/Koriand'r/Jason Todd
Series: Emerald Fire [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149491
Kudos: 11





	1. Come What May

A clean smell of incense permeated the air. Outside the cramped space of the Tarot parlor, the wind howled into the night. Four female Titans sat at a round table with one female seer. Bee and Jinx were badly muffling their giggles while Raven peered at the seer with a hawkish gaze. Starfire for her part was caught between amusement, curiosity, and also anticipation. 

Their girl’s night had gone from getting tipsy at a club to getting their fortunes read at some ‘knock off scammer’ parlor. Raven’s words. 

Bee had gone first and had a fortune filled with pretty lines of leadership and self-actualization. Jinx’s had been of dubious, filled with trouble, especially romantically. Raven elected not to go and so it was only Starfire left. 

“I fear that the forces of nature are telling me that tarot reading is not for you,” The woman announced, her crystalline eyes assessingly roving over Starfire. Disappointment immediately raged through Starfire, her gaze shifting down as she wondered why she was being skipped. 

“Oh. That is most unfortunate.” The redhead responded but her disappointment was luckily short-lived at the woman’s next words. 

“They are demanding I see with my crystal ball.” The curly-haired seer said before getting up and heading somewhere out of sight. Next to her Bee let out an indignant sound. 

“Hey, why do you get a crystal ball reading and the rest of us plebians get tarots? Think she can tell you’re royalty?” The Titan East leader said cheekily. 

Raven scoffed. “She’s just pulling out all the stops so she can get our money.” 

They quieted as the woman came back into the room, her hands holding a clear and heavy-looking sphere. Carefully she laid the crystal ball down and seated herself with a solemn air. 

“I feel I must start with a word of caution. The goddess works in mysterious ways and the message she tells might be overwhelming. When she possesses my body, I know to expect the unexpected. I advise the same for you. Most importantly, we must not close the circle before the goddess is done or there will be untold consequences.” The woman fixed them all with a stern expression, meeting each of their eyes to stress the importance. Starfire nodded eagerly while Bee just gave a shrug and Jinx laughed her acquiescence. Raven locked eyes with the supposed seer and just raised her own brow. Satisfied none-the-less, the woman held out her hands against the round table. “Now, clasp the hand of the person on either side of you and remember, _do not let go_. Starfire, I want you to be thinking about what it is you want to know from the goddess. Really project your intention to communicate.”

The warrior females did as told, reaching out to clasp hands. There was no fizzle in the air, no sudden unexplained breeze, no dimming lights, yet there was still something there that had Starfire sucking in a sharp breath as they held hands. She peeked at Raven, finding her friend’s eyes darkened and hooded. 

She focused on what she wanted to know, offering X’hal her thoughts. _I want to know if I will be with Richard forever. If I can stay here on earth with those I love._

She closed her eyes, picturing the future she was hopeful for. In it, she was older with a ring on her finger. On her hip, she carried a small child, an angelic baby boy, that had tufts of red hair and blue eyes like their father. By her knees stood another child, an energetic boy with raven hair and green eyes. Floating slightly to her left was the oldest child, a girl with raven hair and mischievous emerald eyes. 

And of course, there was Richard, hugging her from behind, soulful eyes unmasked as he smiled contently and gave her bare shoulder a kiss. His hands rested on the small bump of her stomach, a clear sign another baby was on the way.

In her mind’s eye, she leaned back against him, trusting him to hold her tight. Her eyes closed in relish as a smile alighted her face. 

Surrounding them were all their friends, Cyborg with Bee and Raven and Beast Boy. Their joyful faces uplighting her as their happiness was also her happiness. They were the family she never knew she wanted. Their places in her heart solidified as brothers and sisters. 

Beyond them were the rest of the Titans network, each person someone she trusted and wanted the best for. She wanted to get to know each of them better and steadily was getting to do so. 

In this vision, she had a place as a mother, friend, Titan, and wife. 

Her breath stuttered with the fierceness in which she craved this future. _Please, X’hal, please let this be._

“Ahh!” 

Starfire’s eyes snapped open as Raven, not the seer, let out a blood-curling scream. Utter terror wracked through Starfire as she found her chosen sister standing next to her and oh now there was wind and flickering lights. 

“Raven!” Starfire screamed over the howling wind as they all stood, the force of which had everything in utter disarray, the small parlor groaning in protest. Jinx looked as if she was about to get carried away. 

Raven remained standing but her face was utterly wrecked, her eyes screwed shut, the ruby on her forehead gleaming, there were tears still managing to run down her face and yet everything else about her was still like a statue trapped in eternal agony. 

“What is happening?” Jinx screamed over the rushing sound surrounding them. Their eyes all turned to the seer, hands still held in vicelike grips. 

The woman for her part seemed horrified as she gazed at Raven. For a long moment, the seer said nothing but uselessly gaped like a fish, which angered Starfire. “What are you waiting for! Help her!” She screamed, her protective need demanding an end to her chosen sister’s suffering. 

The woman snapped to, eyes flicking between Raven and the furious Tamaranian warrior before her. “We must let the goddess do what she will! We can’t interfere!” 

Starfire was ready to attack the woman, civilian or not. She would rather die to remain passive in Raven’s suffering. In fact, every second she was still under this... thrall felt like knives piercing her flesh. She would make it stop.

Tensing her muscles in preparation, Starfire was gearing to launch herself and Raven out of this parlor, Goddess be damned. “Starfire, don’t! Look!” Bee’s words drew Starfire out of her stance, blazing pupilless eyes dimming as they watched Raven slowly coming out of her trance. 

The wind eased as Raven’s expression cleared, the ruby stuck on her forehead no longer glowing. Starfire watched with bated breath as Raven’s eyes slowly opened dazedly. 

“Raven?” She question, letting go of Bee’s hand to gently brush away some strands of hair out of Raven’s face. The touch seemed to jolt the shorter girl, her eyes snapping to with focus. 

“Starfire, I…” Resting her hand on her friend’s shoulder for support, Starfire waited for Raven to collect her words. She was not sure what to expect but it certainly wasn’t for her friend to draw herself away, a hard look coming over her face. “I have to go.” 

Without another word, a black portal enveloped Raven and she disappeared. Starfire remained stuck in that position for a second, shocked at the abrupt dismissal. Shocked by everything. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Bee asked, breaking the stillness. Starfire snapped too, taking the wreckage of the room and the three other distressed woman. 

“I am sure she must have returned to Titan’s Tower. Let us return too.” She said, barely restraining herself from flying through the ceiling and zipping home. 

Luckily, the other two Titans are not keen to linger and they hastened out the Fortune Teller’s parlor. 

Jinx and Bee both owned motorcycles which were their preferred mode of transportation whenever the Titan females decided to do girl’s night out. The two women climbed onto the cycles and Starfire left them to it, flying back home, nearly breaking the sound barrier at her speed. 

Her thoughts were a rush of panic. _What had happened to Raven? Why did she leave without saying something? Why was her jewel glowing? What did she see?_

_What did she see? Whatdidshesee? Whatdidshesee? Whatdidshesee?_

An instinctual churning in her gut told Starfire that something terrible was going to happen…

And maybe with hindsight, she would find that it was indeed the catalyst for it all.

The scene when she returned to the tower was as expected. The Titan males were inebriated and doing what they do best; eating and playing video games. Cyborg and Beast Boy were both hunching over their controllers as they goaded each other while Kid Flash and Richard taunted the players, shaking them up so they could play the winner. 

They were not expecting the girls back anytime soon so her presence was immediately noticed. Richard leaned his head back over the sofa, his lips in a smile that would usually have had her toes curling. Not this time though. Not when all she could feel is the harrowing feeling of anxiousness and fear for Raven. 

Starfire’s eyes shot to Richards and her face was enough to have him up and over to her in seconds, his fine face set in an expression of seriousness, as his hands came up to cup her face, soothingly rubbing his thumb over her cheeks. 

“Star,” He breathed, his eyes taking in her expression with worry. “Baby, what’s wrong.” 

She felt an instant stinging in her eyes, his presence working as a balm to her shot nerves. The rest of the Titans were on alert as they came over to her. 

“Raven,” She said, the name instantly stilling Beast Boy’s approach as his ears drooped and his eyes got wide but she couldn’t see that beyond Richards gaze that held her own. “I do not know what happened but she was screaming in pain and I…” 

She didn’t have the luxury to explain, not when Raven still needed her. As if reading her mind, Richard released his hold on her and turned on his heel. Beast Boy was already at the sliding doors and running down the halls, morphing into a cheetah. 

“Please, I need to see her. Bee and Jinx are on their way and they can explain but I need to see her right now.” 

Nightwing nodded, reaching out a hand and giving her a squeeze before releasing it again. “Let’s go check on her,” He said, his cobalt eyes understanding and reassuring. 

Starfire was zipping across the room as soon as the words left his lips, taking the sharp corners of the halls with ease before stopping at Raven’s hall. 

The sliding door was left open and Starfire felt her stomachs sink, not hearing B.B or Raven’s voices but a quiet that felt oppressive.

She walked to the open door only to shrink back at the sight of B.B on his knees in the middle of Raven’s room, his shoulders slumped, head bowed. It was evident what happened, the recently put-out candles and pentagon on the floor, telling enough. 

Footsteps broke the silence as Robin and Cyborg came up. Starfire jumped at Kid Flash already standing beside her, noticing the frown on the ginger-haired man’s lips. 

Richard pushed between the two and crossed the room, unhesitatingly reaching out to B.B as he stooped to one knee beside the changeling. 

Beast Boy lifted his head, and a pinched expression flashed across Richards’ face at the youngest Titan’s expression. Starfire felt her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. 

“She’s gone.” 

* * *

The currents of the air tickled her skin as her body absorbed the last vestiges of the days’ sunlight upon her skin. Hovering well above the tower, lazily her eyes blinked as she gazed at the hues of pinks and yellows the sky presented to the world. 

Safely cradled in her arms was a small green kitten, eyes closed in sleepy contentment. She absentmindedly ran her fingers down his fur as they basked in the light.

An exceptionally pleasing breeze swarmed around her and Starfire twirled with it, a giggle escaping her lips as she relished the feeling. The kitten gave no mew of protest but opened its eyes to peer up at her with amusement. She settled again, her gaze now landing on the surface of the vast ocean, a complete marvel to an alien like her. She could never get used to the view of the horizon kissing the ocean. From the sigh that emitted from the small soft body in her arms, she knew he was affected by it as well. 

She hovered on her back again, settling the kitten on her belly, allowing herself to draw inner peace from the simple act of nature. 

They remained like that for a little while. Seagulls squawked as they flew by her and a devious grin form on her lips as she looked down at the kitten, brow raised in question. The kitten in turn reached a paw up to bat her face. Taking that as a go-ahead, she gave chase, laughing as she imagined the seagulls’ commentary. 

_Squawk! Away human! Squawk! Pesty creature! Squawk! Don’t eat me! Don’t eat me! Squawk!_

“Harassing seagulls now? What would the ASPCA say?” 

Starfire turned to face the owner of the voice, cradling the kitten in her arms again. Wonder Girl hovered in front of her, her raven hair reflecting blue light as it wafted in the breeze. An ethereal beauty with azure eyes and full lips, Donna had been an unexpected addition to the Titans team not long after Raven had...left the team. 

She had come after leaving Themyscira wanting to test her warrior skills out in the real world. Her presence had been welcomed subduedly as everyone was still recovering from... what happened, especially Beast Boy. 

Donna had taken note of this, learned what she could, been sympathetic and enabling until suddenly she wasn’t. She had whipped them back into shape, forcing the fighter’s spirit back into the team. 

It had worked fine and dandy but today was different. It was _the_ day. Starfire had barely managed to get herself out of bed and when she had, she had found Beast Boy silently crying outside the closed door of Raven’s room, his hand leaning against its surface. 

Her heart had felt like it had cracked at the sight. She had dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around him, hugging his shoulders and drawing her to him. He had morphed into the kitten and she had remained with him attached to her for the rest of the day. 

There were no words either of them needed to convey their pain. They knew. Raven had been his girlfriend and her chosen sister. The loss of her was acute and still strong no matter the passage of time. 

But there was always a voice that whispered: Missing not dead. It was that hope that allowed them to continue. If Beast Boy had been caught a few times in Raven’s room, trying to recite the strange words of an incantation that would allow him to portal to where Raven was, well who could blame him. And who could blame her when she had tried to assist him. They wanted Raven back. 

The way that Donna was gazing at her and the kitten in her arms was compassionate and understanding. “I came out to tell you all that dinner’s ready. Dick made eggplant parm.” She smiled and there was no way Starfire could resist returning the gesture. 

Her emerald eyes gazed down at the kitten that met her stare and again batted her face. Raising her head, she nodded at Donna. “We will be partaking.”

Donna’s eyes crinkled endearingly. “Great!” 

Together, the two women flew back down to the roof, a compatible silence between them. That was the great thing about Donna, she wasn’t empathetic but she knew when to speak and when to say nothing at all. 

Starfire soothingly scratched behind the kitten’s ears as they made their way into the tower and to the kitchen. The sight that she was met with once they entered the common room had her feeling warm all over. Richard stood in the kitchen, donning a chef hat and apron while he whistled and plated the food. Cyborg was there cutting up bread at the table, a smile on his lips as he gazed at them. 

“Nice fly, y’all?” He asked in greeting, a smirk falling upon his lips as he gazed at Starfire. “Saw ya harassing some seagulls, Star. Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

Starfire offered a giggle as the kitten in her arms jumped down and morphed into Beast Boy. 

“I assure you, they gave me quite a scolding.” Starfire retorted, wishing to go and hug the man, and following that impulse she crossed the room and did just that. Cyborg gave a surprised chuckle but was quick to return the hug. He said nothing because it was not like he didn’t understand. He lost a sister too. 

She pulled back with a smile before crossing over to Richard who had watched her approach with his own small grin. Lovingly, Starfire brushed her lips against his, keeping her eyes open a sliver so she could enjoy looking at him up close. He smelt good, like food, and his shampoo. 

Breaking apart, she gazed into his sapphire eyes hoodidly. “Thank you, Richard.” She breathed, getting a dazzling smile in return. 

“Don’t thank me until you’ve tried it,” He said warningly, swiping his hands on his apron. 

“Oh, don’t be modest, Dick. I’ve tried it and it’s delish.” Wonder Girl piped in as she sat herself down at the table across from Beast Boy and next to Cyborg. 

Starfire picked up two plates that were ready and walked over to place them in front of Beast Boy and Cyborg. 

“Well, I can’t take all the credit since you helped too,” Richard responded as Star walked back and grabbed two more plates, placing one in front of Donna and one on the opposite side where she sat down. Richard came over with his own plate and sat down on her other side. 

And although the team wasn’t complete, Starfire allowed herself to be okay and to smile and be present with her loved ones as they ate a home-cooked dinner. 

And if she woke up later that night to find Richard sending a communication signal to Azarath, she still knew it would be okay because Raven had taught them all something.

The importance of hope. 

* * *

She woke abruptly. Senses muddled, she could not make out what she was seeing right away. There was a body next to hers, Richards, of course, but something else…

Something about the dream had her trying to go back into it and yet something about reality had her needing to wake up. She blinked and blinked some more, her eyes fixed on the closet door but there was something fuzzy in the way. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, the cold ring on her the finger of her left hand, momentarily distracting her. She pulled her hand back and smiled fondly at the engagement ring there. She had been a fiance for four months now and she never got tired of looking that her ring. Though she supposed staring at it at-- her eyes fell to the clock on the nightstand that read 1:44-- at 1:44 would be a bit... obsessive. 

She shifted to return to sleep but movement had her eyes snapping to and she focused her gaze, finally understanding what was fuzzy when she was looking at the closet. 

She sucked in a breath, staring at the translucent form of Raven. Disbelievingly, she reached out a hand, the hand that had a huge engagement ring on it, to touch the girl and Raven reached out as well but their fingers passed through each other. 

Starfires hand trembled as she brought it back. Slowly she sat up, unabashed of her nakedness even in front of Raven. All she cared about was getting closer and seeing Raven again, even if she wasn’t real. 

Her chosen sister’s purple eyes remained fixed on her own and they were the most vivid part of her. They looked sad, yet determined. She opened her mouth and said something but Starfire could hear no sound. 

She shook her head, not understanding. She wished Raven would just be here. The yearning to hear her voice was fierce and there was a feeling of anger rising in Starfire. No doubt, Raven, where ever she may be, was trying to convey a message to her but she should have just _come back_. 

“Come back,” She said, not keeping her voice down. She wanted Richard to see her too. Maybe the sight of Richard would trigger Raven to come, he was her soul brother, after all. Or, better yet, Beast Boy because she knew the empath loved him completely. That would surely have her returning. “Come back!” She said again, sharper this time, allowing her frustration to show. 

Raven shook her head, gesturing to her forehead. Her forehead that did not bear the red gem as it should. 

“Wha? Star? What’s going-” Richards words abruptly cut off as the bed shifted. Starfire stared at Raven, not wanting to understand, wanting to deny what her bear forehead suggested. 

“Come back anyway! We’ll fight him again!” Starfire declared, tears welling in her eyes. Raven’s expression broke at Star’s words for just a moment. 

Again Raven shook her head as Richard’s hand came to rest on her shoulder. It was trembling.

“Raven?” He said with disbelief. Starfire didn’t dare turn her eyes away from Raven, too afraid that if she did, the empath would disappear. 

A pained expression crossed Raven’s face, her form flickered and Starfire could feel her panic rise. She didn’t want this apparition to go, not yet! 

Raven collected herself, before opening her mouth, this time overly enunciating so they could lip read. 

“Trouble is coming.” She said. “Starfire. Stay. Strong. Do not do it.” 

Surprise shot through Starfire as Raven stared at her almost sternly or maybe beseechingly. “Do not do it.” Raven repeated, shaking her head slightly. 

“Do what?” Richard asked, his hold tightening on her shoulder. “What is coming?” 

Raven turned her eyes to Richard and again that pained look came across her face, her form did not flicker but something in her eyes did. For a long minute, she said nothing but just looked at him, and then finally, she opened her mouth to speak. “Do not answer.” Her lips read. 

Confusion wracked through Starfire but then an alarm rang out. Starfire jumped as Richard let go of her shoulder. The alarm was not a Titan’s alarm. 

Starfire couldn’t help but watch Richard as he shifted over the bed and reached over for his nightstand. His bat alarm sliced through the silence of the room in a way that was extra nerve-wrenching.

Without hesitation, Richard answered the alarm and then reached over for his cell phone. 

Starfire bit her lip, turning her eyes back to Raven only to find the astral projection gone. Her breath escaped her like a punch to the gut. She hadn’t even got to say goodbye _again_. 

“Alfred?” 

She wanted to cry and rage at the unfairness. She could feel the bubble of her sorrow burst painfully in her chest. 

“What?” The tone of his voice had Starfire’s head snapping over to look at him again, finding an expression of shock and panic on her fiance features. As he listened to whatever Alfred was saying on the other line, his expression changed, turning angry. “I’ll be right there.” 

Without pomp, Richard hung up the phone before sliding off the bed and heading to his closet. 

“Do not go.” Starfire immediately said, her stomachs churning with fear and anxiety. “Not after what Raven said. _Please_.” 

She was already panicking. Nothing was boding well and she could already feel that wretched feeling of powerlessness and inevitability. _X’hal, please! Whatever happens, please let us be able to stay whole and together at the end of it._

“Jason and Babs have been taken.” He said simply as if that was enough to stop all her protest.

And X’hal help her it was. She could hardly keep him from going to help his chosen brother and sister.

He stepped out of the closet in full Nightwing mode but she already determined what she would do and was up as well, stepping to the closet and shoving on her Starfire suit hastily. 

“I’m coming with you.” She declared, and she was ready to fight him on that if he tried to stop her. 

“We’re taking the Zeta Tubes.” He responded, and she was reminded that just as well as she knew him, he knew her too and knew nothing he said or did could stop her anyway. 

In record time they were at the Zeta tube Cyborg had installed in the garage. It was Justice League tech but Batman had determined that a superhero team like theirs still needed one. 

They unhesitantly stepped into the tube and Richard quickly punched in the code to a zeta tube in Gotham. Starfire anxiously watched him, trying to not stew in fear and panic about the unknown but call her warrior spirit. After all, Jason and Barbara needed help. People that Richard loved. She had to squash her own trepidation, had to fight this battle as fiercely as she would as if it was Victor or Raven or Gar or Donna on the line, come what may. 

The zeta beam zapped them through space to replace them into Gotham in less than a minute. Richard reached out to open the Gotham’s zeta tube door open. They stepped out of the broken down phone booth and Starfire’s senses were immediately assaulted. There was the poignant smell of piss and boos as well as so much noise. Noise from people talking, car’s driving, club music blaring and advertisements. It was truly a city that never slept not even at 4 something in the morning. 

Starfire fell in line with Nightwing as they stealthily moved to the shadows of the city. 

“Batman got a message from the joker that said to meet him at the old warehouse by the harbor. That was hours ago. Alfred really should have fucking told me sooner.” Richard took a deep breath and Starfire realized only then that he was as tightly wrung up as she was, barely keeping himself in check. “Can you fly us to the rooftop?” 

The question didn’t really need to be asked because, of course, she could but she responded anyway. “Yes, now?” She asked and he nodded. Starfire grabbed him without preamble and shot into the air, giving them a bird’s eyes vantage point. 

“Fly 36 degrees due east.” He instructed and Starfire did so quickly and in no time at all the two of them were stealthily approaching the warehouse. 

The flight had brought Starfire into the mission mindset, so when Nightwing gestured for her to land and ordered her with hand signals to remain posted as he checked their surroundings, she did as she was told. Whisper quiet, she checked for any entry points from the roof but found none. 

She waited, counting every second until Nightwing returned. She was at 360 when the sound of bullets went off. Instincts taking over, Starfire zoomed away from the roof flying up and around the entire building to find the trouble. 

Men, clownishly zombie-like in appearance, were manically shooting off machine guns. With superhuman speed, Starfire took out the assailants, taking the guns and melting them all with her hands. 

Her senses heightened, she made quick work of tying up the Jokers men before heading to the entrance of one of the warehouses where they had been shooting. 

Starfire came in, blazing with power like the sun to find something straight out of hell. 

Changed like Jesus on the cross, Batman hung in mid-air, his eyes wide and wild in a way she had not known the man capable of but she barely noticed that for the scene below him was all she could see. 

Bat Girl, half-naked from the waist up, eyes closed and legs splayed as she lay in a puddle of blood, and Starfire would have thought her dead if it wasn’t for the slow rise and fall of her chest. And then there was Jason, his grey eyes open and unseeing, the concave section of his skull a gruesome sight that exposed his brain. 

So much blood. 

And then she heard it that accursed cackle of insanity. It was so unnatural. As inhuman as the inhumane actions he had done to Jason and Barbara. 

“You like what I did to your replacement, bat brat? Or maybe it’s what I did to the bat bitch that’s really getting to ya. Don’t worry I just fondled her tits a bit, can’t cheat on Harls or she’ll eat my dick, ya know? Oh, and I shot her but hey, I could have done worse. Just wait for what I have planned for you! You’re the finale, Kiddo! The main event! Just like old times in Haly’s huh?” 

Something inside of Starfire snapped as she heard that demon taunt her lover. She flew to the sound, her eyes computing in seconds the Joker smiling as he focused on Nightwing, a gun in his hand. 

Nightwing looked crazed as he fought some leftover Joker clowns. There was a sound emitting from his mouth that he didn’t even seem conscious he was making. It was animalistic and belied the torment surging through him. 

He was hitting the Joker clowns without restraint, quickly incapacitating them but there were just too many and then the Joker shot the gun. 

In a blink Starfire was there, intercepting the dart that shot out of the gun. She caught it in her hand and snapped it. _You will not touch him! Not a hair on his head!_

“Oh shit.” That was all the joker got to say before pandemonium raged. 

Starfire flew to him faster than a person could blink, crushing the gun in his hand like a twig as she grabbed him by the neck. 

“Starfire no!” She heard Richard say but she was beyond listening. 

Her glowing eyes locked on the creature’s own wide green eyes and then she smiled as he made horrible choking noises as she flew them to the opposite wall, leaning him against it by his neck and lifting him so his feet were off the floor. 

“You thought to hurt him? Torture and then kill him?” and then she laughed because he was just a man, a man who had no idea whose wrath he just incurred. “For just the _thought_ , I’ll make your death slow and painful.” And then she placed her hand upon his chest above his heart and allowed the heat to consume them both. She let up on his throat just to allow him to scream. 

She could hear nothing over the sound of her own raging blood and his screams. His eyes closed in agony as she burned him alive. The smell of burning flesh seared into her but she didn’t stop. It didn’t take long for him to die, she saw the life leave him, and yet she kept burning. 

She wanted to incinerate any trace of him. Incinerate his actions and words and violence so she didn’t stop. 

“What have you done?” His voice finally penetrated through to her and just like that, she was extinguished. She dropped the corpse and turned her eyes upon the man she had killed for.

He didn’t look back at her, he could look at nothing else but the charred remains at her feet. 

She stood tall. 

“What should have been done a long time ago.” Was all she responded.

  
  



	2. Perish the Thought

Her eyes remained closed as she sat in lotus pose on the floor. 

“Azarath... Metrion... Zinthos…” She chanted slowly. She had found her inner peace a long time ago. It was only a matter of maintaining it. 

In her mind, the landscape of her meditation was Titan Tower and the view of the blazing fiery oranges, golds, and reds of the sky and iridescent ocean traveling way off into the horizon. 

She was there floating like a benevolent sentinel, protecting all her loves inside the tower. Beast Boy was in there and Cyborg. 

Raven.

Donna.

Ry.

Galfore.

Even Kom.

And of course, Richard. His name was an echo that whispered in the wind, in the very air she breathed. He was the golden rays touching her skin, the force that kept her afloat. 

All her memories were in the tower, carefully compartmented, meticulously revisited, and maintained. The tower itself emitted wafts of the things that it held inside. Every waft turned into a breeze that touched her. 

This breeze felt like the echoes of laughter after a silly stunt Cyborg pulled. Another felt like the warmth derived from times spent waking up beside Richard. 

It was incredibly pleasant to get touches of feelings and not have to invest herself in revisiting the whole thing. She could keep herself together this way. 

“Azarath… Metrion... Zinthos…”

“Interesting.” The feminine voice was soft and unexpected. 

Starfire’s eyes snapped open to find a green-skinned young woman standing before her cell, her light brown eyes watching her through the reinforced shield. Starfire cocked her head and the girl mirrored the movement, her short reddish-brown hair falling into her face. 

“Are you my new guard?” Starfire asked curiously not having realized that Black Canary had left. 

The woman before her shifted sheepishly. “Sort of...I was curious mostly and I volunteered to get some insight into your thoughts, which I suppose is rather rude of me, hello M’gann! I’m so sorry. I should have asked.” The alien before her hit her own forehead, a frown on her face. How endearing. It reminded Star of one of her mind teachers when she was training on Okaara. 

Starfire eyed the mind reader and felt an instant kinship. She could see the shared eagerness to learn and the awkwardness of being too enthusiastic. She looked very young but Starfire knew better than to assume age. 

“It is alright, I do not mind in the least. I am curious as well. You appear to be quite young, how is it that you are at the watchtower? The Justice League is quite adamant about not hosting teenagers.”

“Oh, well, I’m Unc- Martian Manhunter’s niece. I’ve been staying in the watchtower as a visitor. I’m not a Leaguer or anything… I haven’t even been to earth yet! I can’t wait though! Uncle J’onn wants me to wait another year but I’m hoping to convince him otherwise. I’ve been dreaming about going to earth ever since I was a little girl. It’s just so...so…”

Starfire felt a smile lighting her face. She understood the green girl all too well. “It’s inexplicable, ripe with potential for all its inhabitants.” She offered. 

The girl gaped at Starfire’s response before a smile broke out on her face and she nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! That’s right! I’m M’gann by the way. I don’t think I introduced myself yet.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, M’gann. I’m…” Her eyes widened as a block seemed to wedge into her throat, making it dry and hard to swallow. She floundered, unexpectedly hit with this sudden realization that she was having an identity crisis. 

Because she was going to introduce herself as Starfire but her throat just couldn’t form the words. The light-heartedness of the conversation had made her forget. One of her hands raised to touch her throat only to meet the collar inhibitor and it was another reminder that she was not Starfire anymore. Starfire had broken free of collars. Starfire had been a hero of earth, not a criminal held prisoner in a tower not even on earth. 

M’gann’s easy expression was quickly deteriorating as she watched the Tamaranian girl struggle with a sort of fascination. 

Starfire closed her emerald eyes and a picture resurfaced in her mind. A young red-headed girl in tattered rags glaring down at the rocky surface cutting into her grounded feet as she shuffled forward in line, her neck collared and connected to the slave in front and behind her, her hands and forearms completely encompassed by huge metal cuffs that weighed almost as much as her. She was the troq, the slave, the disgraced royalty.

A resigned expression came over the former princess’ face. Two tears streamed down her cheeks as she finally had her answer. “You can call me Kori.” 

  
  


She was not allowed to see any of her friends before her trial so when she did finally see them, it felt like finally being able to see after being trapped in the dark for too long. The smile that touched her lips was unbidden with joy despite her circumstances. 

The moment was brief as she had seen them on her way to stand before the members of the League and would have her back toward them during the trial. They had come to the watchtower as moral support but she could see the righteous fury on their faces on her behalf. 

Richard was there too but his face...well, that was a lot harder to read. One thing was certain, even with his Nightwing mask, she could see he was stressed, his chiseled jaw ticking. The hallows in his cheeks were more prominent than she’d ever seen. 

She wondered at how she appeared. Definitely less vibrant. Something about her had lost its glow, but perhaps that’s just what happens when one has taken a life. 

Sitting at a long table before her, were members of the Justice League. On the furthest opposite ends sat Sheira and J’onn then next were John Stewart and Barry Allen, finally Donna and Clark, and in the middle, fully recovered and as imposing as ever, was Batman. 

Not a single face held even the slightest reassurance. 

She had expected, maybe because most sitting at the table were aliens like her, that there would be some comfort or understanding but the faces that gazed back at her were closed. 

In Batman’s case, glowering. 

She straightened her spine.

Other members of the league, including M’gann, were in attendance. Everyone knew about the trial but she had not gotten any word on how they were perceiving her actions. 

She was the first ‘hero’ to kill a purely human villain. 

She tried to reduce her shaking by stopping her breathing. She didn’t want to embarrass herself by becoming a stuttering mess. Her eyes remained locked on the seated form of the Dark Knight. The moniker had always bothered Richard, but at this moment Kori could easily say it was accurate. She felt like he was ready to smite her at any moment. 

“Starfire, you are here because you have broken the morals and rights that you were to upheld as a hero of earth. When you had first come to this planet, you had agreed that your stay would be contingent upon you upholding the League’s no-killing policy. Yet, you have killed a human in an act of pure savagery.” 

She bit back a cry of fear and indignation and could hear the uproar that Batman’s words stirred behind her. She could make out Victor’s booming voice exclaiming “that’s out of line!” and Gar’s incensed “Duuude!” way above the noise of the crowd. 

Kori watched as Batman nodded to a man who stood off to the side a ways away from the table. The mustached man dressed in a fancy tux and top hat walked toward the audience and called out a few words that magically had silence reigning once again. 

Batman continued as if no interruptions occurred. “This human is noted to be a villain with notorious insanity who had assaulted and shot one fellow hero, murdered another and was attempting to murder a third.”

Kori thought about what the joker also did to Batman, drugging him and forcing the man to watch as he committed those heinous crimes, and wondered if Batman didn’t mention that part because he was ashamed. She hoped that wasn’t the case. 

“The question we are faced is whether you should be banished from Earth for breaking the oath you took or whether you remain under arrest and stripped of your Titans duties and powers.”

Her eyes widened at the severe punishments offered. Either choice felt like a powerful noose around her neck but she could understand why those were the options. Did they perhaps think that her recidivism rate was high and therefore did not want her to return to hero work since she could kill again? 

She knew that on Earth, heroes differentiated themselves from the villains precisely because they do not kill. While exceptions had been made toward metahumans and alien planet destroyers, it was different for her case because the joker had been human and all humans were capable of change. Her actions had been unprecedented. She knew they wanted to make an example of her but she had never fathomed they would go so far. 

_X’hal, please help me!_

She had to keep her mind on the trivial parts of the case. She could not think about the fate should the League wish to banish her nor if she was to remain collared and disgraced once again. 

_Do not think. Do not feel. Do not think. Do not feel._ The mantra continued in her head, the repetition helping her compartmentalize once again.

It was hard to remain passive in this and not rage her argument and protest. She had to tread carefully and show her capabilities of restraint. 

However, inwardly she found it all ridiculous. The joker _deserved_ to die, had deserved to for a long time now. The joker’s insanity made him unable to change and really she should be praised for putting down the mad creature. 

Yet, she knew the worry here was about setting an example. If Kori was let off easily, then perhaps other heroes would find it acceptable to start killing their human enemies, and then free will would become just a novelty as a hero dictatorship would emerge and what if that hero is superman, with power that was unstoppable? 

Paranoia at its finest, in her opinion. 

This is what fate felt fit to deliver her. 

She closed her eyes as deliberations began. “Azarath Metrion Zinthos.” She murmured, finding her center because she was too close to breaking at the seams. 

“We’ll start with Hawkwoman.” Batman announced before sitting. 

Shiera stood, her eyes cold as they met Kori’s. “I vote for banishment. No one is an exception to the rules. No one. We all have a duty to uphold no matter what we might feel and how hard it is.” Her tone brooked no room for argument, and somehow her mannerisms reminded Kori a lot of her own mother and father. 

J’onn stood from his seat, drawing the focus. “I vote for Starfire to remain on earth and put on a probationary period, where she will train as a human would.” Starfire wanted to give the martian a smile but refrained. It would not do to look too eager. 

The flash went next, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. “I vote for her to stay, she’s done a lot for Earth and she deserves a second chance.” 

A hopeful flutter shot through Kori. Perhaps all was not lost. 

John Stewart stood, commanding attention as his rich baritone rang around the room. “I vote for banishment. The act that Starfire committed might not have been premeditated but it was callous and deliberately vindictive. She ceased to be a hero at the moment she decided to not just simply kill a man but to kill him painfully in revenge.” 

It suddenly became extremely hard for her to breathe and not just because of his vote but because of the point that he made that made her feel monstrous.

Diana stood next and the sight of her was so achingly familiar to Donna and yet so different at the same time that it hurt. “I vote for Starfire to remain. She killed a man who has killed hundreds and has actively worked with evil societies. I think we can rectify ourselves with that.” 

Before Diana could even finish sitting down, Superman was standing, his voice ringing out. “I have to disagree. If we use a body count as a measure for which sort of villains die and don’t then we are not fit to be called heroes. _Any_ life taken is one too many. The Joker has taken many but if a robber kills a man and a hero decides to take that villain’s life, then that hero can justify themself. It has to be that hero’s cannot kill at all. No exceptions, no rectifications. I vote banishment.” 

She was shaking and there was no stopping it. No stopping her body’s instinctive need to curl in and hold herself together. Batman stood and she knew in the way he glared down his nose at her, at the hardness in his gaze and the unforgiving turn of his lips that her fate was sealed. He paused for a long time just ripping her apart with his eyes. “I vote banishment.” 

She met his gaze using the last of her strength to say what she needed to. “I regret nothing. I would do it again to protect the man I love.”

She sunk down, shut her eyes, trembled as wave after wave of grief ripped into her. 

Bruce’s eyes continued to stare down at the woman and perhaps if she knew him better, she would have understood that the look in his eyes was not coldness but something else; maybe gratefulness and envy and pity. “I know. I know.” 

It sounded regretful. It sounded tired.

She did not hear so she didn’t understand.

  
  


The rest was a blur. Someone brought her back to her holding cell. She thought they might have said something to her but she couldn’t hear.

Her life was falling apart. 

She thought of Gar first because she knew with Raven and herself gone it was the end for the Titans. Gar wouldn’t be able to leave, not with the hope that Raven would be back. She pictured him standing alone at the large windows of the common room in the tower with phantom memories for company, waiting for them all to come home. Waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. 

Maybe the past was not just inescapable for only her... Gar had been a friendless orphan, an abandoned team member. A lonely boy. Like her, he had thought the team was family, was incapable of leaving, incapable of giving them up.

What a cruel universe to deliver the same fate to him again.

“I would wait forever with you friend.” She said to the vision of him; bawled it with all her sadness and devastation. 

She thought of Victor who was a pillar of strength. He would be okay, moving forward because that’s how he had gotten through everything in life; by relying on himself and taking it one step at a time. He would find a way to get in touch with her. He was a solution finder. He would always help her. She thought of him as a big brother that she could always turn to. Reliable, resourceful, mature. She would carry a piece of him to help her through. In her mind he was already there, tall and strong with a stern face that would not let her fall from the cliff she was on the edge of. He reached out his hand, steady and sure and she took it. It was thinking of him that helped her turn away from the brink, made her take a step back from that edge. “Be my strength brother.” 

Behind him was Richard. He stood maskless, sapphire eyes fixed on hers as he held his arms open. She flew to him, let herself remember. 

.

.

.

_The night was stormy. Lightning flashed and thunder raged loud enough to send vibrations through the tower._

_His kisses were thorough and deep and bespoke of the fixedness he held for her in his thoughts._

_The feeling of his naked hot hard body on top of hers was beyond thrilling. It felt right. It felt necessary._

_There was nothing but each other to think about. His arms were around her head to ensure the world was blocked out and only he was her focus. She felt exalted underneath him. She opened her eyes to gaze at his face._

_Her vision was tunneled to his closed lids. His long lashes kissed his pale cheeks and his strong brows were relaxed. She loved gazing at him this close, loved knowing every minute detail of him._

_The closeness was heavenly._

_Touching him was even better._

_She ran her hands down his long strong back, marveling at the dips and hardness of him. His skin was so smooth and warm, and she couldn’t get enough of the feel of it. Finer than anything she had ever felt in all the universe. She loved feeling the movement of his body, shivered at the muscles working under her hand._

_A whimper escaped her, muffled by their kissing as his cock stroked her insides. He made love to her slowly, keeping his body on hers and leaving no space between them. She could practically feel his heart pounding in his chest onto her own, felt every breath he took. The movements of his hips were minute yet consummate, rolling them so his cock rubbed every inch of her inner walls and it left her feeling heady with addiction._

_The rise of her orgasm was slow but intense. She shattered and he fixed himself into every inch of her, rebuilding her with parts of him; his breath, his body, his heart, his heat._

_“Richard,” his name was like a prayer from her lips both out loud and in her mind. His name resounded in every inch of her flesh and into her soul. She opened her eyes she hadn’t realized she closed and jolted to find the sky before her. His eyes were as beautiful as freedom. She could see herself reflected in them; perfect replicas trapped in the windows to his soul. She wanted to remain there always._

_He gazed at her with a helplessness that only passionate abandon could create. His arms wrapped around her and crushed her further to him, his head falling to the crook of her neck as the speed of his thrusts became harder and faster._

_Her own body was reigniting. She lavished hot sloppy kisses to every part of his skin she could reach. Her long legs wrapped tightly around him, not letting him go. She wanted to consume him, hold him in her mouth and taste him forever. She bit down on that perfect part of his shoulder and sucked and licked. He was salty tasting and delicious. She liked having her teeth on him._

_He groaned and the sound shot straight through her with how utterly destroyed it sounded. “Star, love, I’m-” His voice was guttural and thrilling._

_She could feel herself tipping as well, her body hyper-sensitive and attune to him. “Me too!” And then they both broke and through the rush of blood and pleasure she could hear him._

_“I love you! I love you! Love you so damn much!” He sounded wrecked._

_She was shaking and his weight helped keep her grounded or she would be flying away. His body jerked with aftershocks of pleasure. She ran a soothing hand through his hair, kissing his skin lovingly. For a long moment they just rested like that and a peace went through her entire being. Her head turned as she felt him raise his head to look at her. The eyes that met hers were filled with adoration. They promised forever._

_She wanted that and then some with him._

_She knew he could see it too._

_“I love you too, Richard.” She reached out a hand to touch his face and his eyes closed as he relished the feeling._

_“Always?” He asked with a grin, his eyes lazily reopening. She smiled as she stroked a thumb over his cheek._

_“Always.” Unequivocally, desperately._

_His face changed, his stare turning serious and long. She stared back unafraid; watched as he took a deep breath._

_“Then I have something to give you.” He moved, slipping out of her and flopping back onto their bed before rolling his body to reach for the draw of his nightstand._

_She watched him with curiosity but still could not move other than to roll onto her side. His body was too tempting to resist touching as he shuffled through his draw searching for something. She stroked a hand down his flank utterly entranced with the sight of her golden skin against his marble pale one._

_He chuckled as he turned back toward her, one hand intertwining their fingers while the other held a small black velvet box._

_Starfire’s breath left her at the sight of it. She sat up, her flaming red hair flowing like a river around them, and stared at it._

_She knew what that black box meant, had seen enough romantic movies to know. A trillion thoughts raced through her for a second. Thoughts about what marriage meant to people on her planet; ownership and a rise in status, and insurance or a bargain to maintain order. Archaic. Loveless. Daunting._

_She thought about what it meant here, and what it meant for him. He had told her a long time ago when they had first started officially dating that he would not have sex with her because he wanted to wait till marriage. It was something that meant a lot to him as it was a tradition that stemmed from his parents and their Romani heritage. It was something he cherished since he grew up with Bruce and hated what he saw there._

_It was the greatest promise of forever he could ever give her._

_Tears welled in her eyes as he kissed the tips of the fingers he held before he let go and opened the box._

_The ring was gorgeous like his eyes. Sapphire eyes that gazed at her open and vulnerable and filled with love._

_“I can’t be without you, Starfire. Not since the moment you dropped out of the sky like an angel. I know you think that humans can’t love eternally like Tamaranians can but let me prove you wrong. Please, will you marry me?” He asked, taking the ring out and grabbing a hold of her left hand._

_“Yes,” she answered breathlessly. Richard smiled and it was brilliant and child-like and pulled at her heartstrings as he slipped the ring onto her finger._

_She gazed down at the sight of the ring on her golden finger with unadulterated joy and aw. Even with only the light of the moon, the ring shone brilliantly, hypnotizing her with its beauty and all its significance._

_She smiled, bringing her hand to cradle to her chest as she turned her eyes to her fiance. He gazed back at her with a love-drunk expression, eyes achingly soft with a little grin curling his lips._

_“You’re floating, Star.” He pointed out and indeed she was. She let out a giggle filled with happiness._

_“I cannot help it. I feel like I could fly to the Draconus nebula and back! This is so glorious! Oh, Richard, I love you so much!”_

_His arms reached out, pulling her form to him. She wrapped her legs around him as he stroked her hair away from her face and fixed her eyes with his. “I love you too, Starfire. You have no idea how much.” He said with an air of solemnity. Her smile turned tame with understanding._

_She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. He tightened his hold, pulling her flush against him. Excitement simmered inside them both, their gentle kiss turning consuming._

_“Show me,” She whispered as they pulled apart._

_And he did, over and over._

  
  


She had been staring at the ring, stroking the sapphire gem as she remembered that night. She watched as her ring hand curled into a fist. It almost felt like it was detached from her and yet the fire she felt rising inside her was not. She cradled that fist to her chest as her eyes rose to the reinforced glass before her. 

She would stay strong. She would not take this lying down. She would appeal to the Justice League, make them see sense, beg if she had to. She had a fiance to go back to, a team that needed her, a sister in over her head. She could not just leave. 

She would not lose any more loved ones! 

She wasn’t sure how much time passed with her solidifying her convictions. She came up with every argument in her head that she wanted to say, ( _he was going to kill again, he was no innocent_ ) repeated and perfected it over and over, ( _in hindsight, I am sorry. I will not do it again. Give me a chance to earn your trust back_ ) knew the tone she’d use, knew the expression she’d wear.

When Black Canary came to get her, she was ready to face them. She walked with unflattering steps and clear eyes. She entered the massive docking hall with all the poise and regality of her royal upbringing. Once inside, her eyes fell to her brothers and she felt stronger just by their presence. Their faces were tight, dark with seriousness and anger. She tried to reassure them with her eyes. _Do not worry chosen brothers, I will not be banished so easily._ Wally was there too, looking awkward and unsure. She offered him a nod and watched as he curiously darted his eyes away from her. 

Her gaze ventured brazenly to the members of the league and widened at what she saw. 

“Richard,” She breathed, her heart spiking painfully in her chest. 

His masked eyes narrowed on her as he stood next to Batman. She watched the hand that Batman had on his shoulder with a mounting sense of nausea and anxiety. The hand in question gave a squeeze and Richard straightened to his full height as he would have when faced with a challenge. 

Or an enemy. 

“No,” She choked out disbelievingly because standing with Batman meant only one thing…Her gaze fell to her shoes as she tried to understand. But...there was no mistaking the intent she felt coming off of him. Her gaze returned to her fiance. Perhaps she was just reading too much into everything? 

Her eyes met his masked ones beseechingly. “Richard…” She didn’t know what to say, everything she’d practiced flying out the window at the unexpected obstacle. She had been prepared to implore and fight the Justice League... _Batman_.

She had never expected to fight Richard. 

He decided to speak first, his face closed and almost removed from everything. “Starfire...I…” He cleared his throat, started again, voice devoid of emotion. “As the leader of the Teen Titans, I have to agree with the League’s decision-”

“Bullshit!” Gar screamed out, beginning to stomp over before Victor caught his shoulder and held him back. He sounded feral with anger and pain but Kori couldn’t turn her eyes away from the man standing before her. “That’s Starfire you’re talking to! Starfire! What the fuck are you even saying dude--”

Richard continued, ignoring the changeling but his eyes turned to slits as he continued. “What you did wasn’t an act of a hero. You murdered a man, _burned him alive_ …” And then he broke, his charade fading as he quickly crossed over to her. 

Numbly, she watched his approach. His hands reached out and grabbed her hair, bunching it together in his fists as his forehead came down onto hers. “I didn’t want you to do that, Starfire! I would _never_ want you to kill because of me. It’s…” His eyes closed as he rubbed his forehead into hers, his breath coming out in panicked gasps. She trembled, a hair's breadth away from falling apart. “You shouldn’t have done it! _You shouldn’t have done it_! I told you not to do it! Why didn’t you listen to me? Why, Starfire?” He sounded broken. 

She couldn’t answer, couldn’t move a single part of her. He pulled back and frantically ripped his mask off his face. Those eyes, those stunning crystals, welled with tears. “You weren’t thinking about me at all when you killed him. If you did you would have stopped, you would have known it would ruin us! You know that I wouldn’t want it! You know me, Star. You know what it would do but you did it anyway! It’s impossible for me to just forgive it all. You…” He stopped, turned his gaze away to the side. Tears rolled down his cheeks. 

_I just didn’t want him to hurt you. I can’t stand to even think of you in any pain._ She couldn’t find her voice as her love fell apart. Wally was there with an arm around his shoulders in a flash as Batman came to stand by his side. 

“I think that’s enough. The decision stands. We have a ship ready for you with all of your things from the tower.” He paused to assess Richard who took a shaking breath and pulled himself together. When his eyes turned back to her, they were filled with conviction. “It’s time for you to go now.” 

“NO!” Gar howled. 

“There has to be a way to appeal this. Despite what she did, she’s a hero that has saved this planet time and time again-” Victor implored with feigned confidence, trying for rationality and compassion.

She couldn’t hear any of it, couldn’t see anything other than him. His gaze locked onto her looking wretched, unsure, and smaller than she’d ever seen him before. 

The league members were coming toward her, preparing to lead her to the ship that would take her away. 

She was in front of him in a flash, hands reaching out to gently wipe away his tears as her own fell from her eyes unbidden. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Please forgive me Richard.” She was frantic in her grief. She ached to fix this pain she caused him. “I’ve hurt you and that’s the last thing I ever wanted. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Apologies spilled from her lips like a waterfall. His expression turned pained as he listened to her. She couldn’t take it. 

Desperately, she curled herself into his chest, trying to wedge closer, trying to get him to feel her regret. “Please, forgive me.” She cried, closed her eyes, waited with a bated breath. For the briefest of moments she believed he gave in as his arms came up and squeezed her to him. He inhaled deeply and she felt like she could breathe again. “I’m sorry.” She repeated. His hands slid to her shoulders, gripped them tight and pushed her away. 

Her eyes snapped open to look at him. The stony look was back, resolute and unforgiving. 

She broke. 

Her sobs rang out without restraint. “Richard, please. I love you, I don’t want to be separated. I’m sorry!” Her heart was being crushed, the fear that she would not see him again, would not be held in his arms, or look into those eyes. She couldn’t live like that. “I can’t be without you. Don’t...please.” _Don’t break my heart. Don’t leave me. Don’t give me up._

He remained strong and it broke her further. Her eyes burned and she could no longer see in front of her through the river of her tears. Pain unlike she felt before pierced her and she didn’t know how to handle it. 

She was docile as she was led away. She missed Gars break down and Victor’s anger he bared down onto Richard. Missed the uncertainty pass over Richards face as he watched her go. 

When she saw the ship, she knew it was really over. He wasn’t going to stop her. He wanted her gone. 

It was beyond what she could take but if it was what he wanted… _I hope you can forgive me one day._

She boarded.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews, please and thank you. Kudos are appreciated too. :D

**Author's Note:**

> Hello...  
> Another fanfic when I really have no business writing any more of them without at least completing one of my others...please forgive me. None of my fics are abandoned just shelved.  
> I'm looking for a beta so if you feel like that person should be you, please send a message.  
> Also, reviews are the only currency here. Let me know what you like and what you don't. Thanks ;)


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